The end of a chapter...

  Running the actual marathon was the end of the chapter.
Leading up to the marathon, I loved my training and growth so much that I already felt like I had won. It wasn't about the actual marathon anymore. It was about the entire journey. I committed to something more than I have ever done before. I did something for myself, which is easy to let go. I pushed through mental and physical barriers. I improved and I even enjoyed it.
I went in to the marathon thinking I didn't even need this run because it was really about the training and the victories I already won. Little did I know what an amazing experience the actual marathon would be too.
Some people call it a race and others refuse to refer to it as a race if they don't have a chance of winning it. I didn't' refer to it as a race until I was at the half way mark. That is when it became the biggest race I have ever participated in. At that point, I had no chance of meeting my goal time but that is when it became a race against myself. I had to race against my body and my mind but also get them to work together. I won the race by finishing, making mistakes that I can learn from, and pushing myself past all of my limits.
The toughest part of the marathon is the 4 hours waiting in the staging area before the race even starts. There is an excitement getting there because this day you have been working towards is finally here. And then you just wait and anticipate what is about to come. And I froze-shaking/shivering froze!
Then there are the porta potties. Thousands of them. If you have ever run, you know you need to use those ports potties or... But oh my goodness are they disgusting. Ever one is afraid of the or else so everyone uses them and gets everything out of your system and did I mention everyone included 65000 runners. Imagine those ports potties that had a constant line for 4 hours!
On cold days, people dress in layers to stay warm and start the run. Then there is a shedding process. You dump all those layers. Some people have throw away things and others have top of the line fear that gets thrown in the Salvation Army bins at the start but then gets thrown to the street as the race goes on. I didn't realize how frugal as was until I couldn't part with my $20 jacket and tied into my waist instead.
The start of the race was a one in a lifetime experience. As you approach the official start with so many like-minded people from all of the world, there is an amazing bind that is created without any words being exchanged or ever seeing these people again.
Any advice given to a runner is to go out slow. The biggest mistake any runner makes is going out to fast! Yes I made that mistake but there was no holding me back as that energy and feeling over came me. It was game time. My first thoughts during the marathon while going over the Verrazano bridge was that this was the most amazing thing I had ever taken part of. The views were incredible. The people surrounding you were amazing. It was finally time to shine. Coming off of the bridge was just as incredible when we were greeted with the cheers and support from the community. Total strangers and firefighters and police cheering us on with loud screams and entertaining posters. I kept waiting for the spectators to thin out or disappear but they were there all the way to the end. During the times when I needed to dig deeper or remember my why, those signs came in ah dy. my favorite was the glitter sign that said "remember this was your idea." Nobody forced me to run this and nobody even put the idea in my head. It was all me!
The first half of the marathon was amazing. The support of the community was unimaginable. The views and being able to see New York through these eyes was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Having my family at mile 11 was chilling.
The adrenaline high from the first half pushed me through the next 5 miles easily and then it all started to catch up to me. I really struggled after mile 18. I got to the point where I didn't know if I could continue to pick my feet up as pain shot down my legs from my groin to my ankle and even into the bottom of my feet.
This is when the run turned into a race for me. I needed to race against the pain. Mentally I was still strong and wasn't going to let anything stop me.
Then I got to mile 20 and hit the feared wall. I had never hit a wall before and didn't think it could really be a wall. After all, there were those signs that said "when you hit the wall, plow through it." All you have to do is be stronger than that wall and plow through, right? The wall for me was the moment when you can no longer be mentally strong and your muscles refuse to work to lift your feet off the ground. All I wanted to do was fall to the ground and cry. The fans at this point of the race were amazing but I was at a point where I just wanted to tune them out too. The last thing I wanted to hear was how close I was and how I was almost there. And to make it worse, I think the last few miles were mostly uphill. Something got me through it though. I don't know how other than very slowly and mechanically. There are parts of those last few miles that really are a blur. Then the final stretch approaches. You find whatever else you have inside of you and just leave it all out on the road as you cross the finish line.
You think you are all done but then there is an hour of walking while you are freezing to get out of the secure area and really be done.
My mindset did a complete 360 during the race. At the beginning I thought it was the most amazing experience ever and wondered why I hadn't done it sooner. I was even thinking about when I could do it again. The. After the middle I questioned my training and my ability. I doubted myself. I thought of how crazy it was to run 26 miles and who in the world would ever want to do that. I also swore I would never do it again. Then during that hour of recovery time after the race, I started to think about all of the positives and began to see the pleasure in the experience again and even thought about how I could learn from all of my mistakes and do it better the next time. Yes there is a next time in my mind again. And even a day after when I am sore all over my body and exhausted, I am finding more and more positives about the experience. The disappointment about my pace and strategy has now turned to fuel for the next time from a lesson learned.
In a city that is known for being selfish at times, the community outshines any other than I have ever been a part of. The support from everyone was amazing and greatly appreciated. The cheers, posters, high fives, and rows deep of spectators along the 26 miles was amazing. Seeing the city in a way that can only be seen by running through the 5 Burroughs was unthinkable. Running this marathon through a city that I felt got the best of me before was therapeutic. The support from friends and family was truly inspiring! I say see ya later NYC and until the next time NYC marathon! This is the end of this chapter but only the beginning of this story!

Nina Pears